The Miracle of Snottage

Yes, you read that right… the miracle of snottage. Snot. We all wrestle with it from time to time. And, yes, sometimes snot wins. Such has been the past few days in the life of your humble lofter. I didn’t realize it was possible for a human body to produce so much of the stuff, but I can verify right here that my nasal membranes have officially generated enough snot to keep the turkey fryers in Louisiana goin’ through next Thanksgiving. That’s enough snot to overflow the grease traps at every Church’s Chicken restaurant in Alabama. Enough snot to actually float a small cruise liner… all the way to Cozumel… and back! Yes, this has been a new year that’s off to a snotty start.
But, what’s the “real” deal with snot? I’m glad you asked. A bit of internet research* has educated me thusly…
Each time that you take a breath, there are three very important things that happen.
1. The air that you breathe in is cleaned by tiny hairs in your nose, trapping little bits
of dirt and dust and germs that come in through your nose.
2. As you breathe, the air is made slightly wet. Your nose having damp passages does
this.
3. The next thing that takes place when air enters your nose is that the air is warmed.
This happens because the blood flows through the lining of the nose and gives off
heat.
Even though these three actions are to keep you healthy, germs can sometimes get into your respiratory system. The germs start growing in your nose, throat and lungs. You have a cold!
When you have a cold the linings of your nose and/or throat swell. Thick, clear liquid called mucus forms and its purpose is to wash away the germs. The mucus builds up and blocks the air passages. This is what causes a stuffy nose and a cough.
“Snot”, is just another word for mucus. Snot is beautiful human slime. When bits of stuff get stuck in your nose hairs, it’s the mucus or snot that surrounds the stuff and traps it.
It’s at about that point that “boogers” come to life… but I stray. To summarize, I’ve learned that all this snot – the very snot that keeps me from being able to breathe through my nose, that drains into my throat and makes me hack like I’ve smoked a carton of Marlboro reds, yes, that same snot that seeps into my stomach and keeps a fat man’s bowel movements smooth, with no burning – all this snot turns out to be a good thing.
Well, at least that what it’s supposed to be. Who knew. So, for those kids out there who would love to enjoy a good heapin’ helpin’ of snot, without the burden of a head cold, here’s a recipe* just for you!

Heat 1/2 cup water just until it boils. Remove the heat. Sprinkle in 3 envelopes of unflavored gelatin. Let it soften a few minutes and stir with a fork. Add enough corn syrup to make 1 cup of thick glop. Stir with the fork and lift out the long strands of gunk. As it cools, you’ll need to add more water, spoonful by spoonful. And enjoy!

Here’s to a wonderful weekend, from my snot-laden loft to yours!

“I feel like I’m a big human snot.” - Robin Williams

*Snot education and recipe lifted entirely from Boogers & Snot